Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm bleeding and have questions
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
