Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
