we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
