We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
