I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
