i need an iv and a liver transplant
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
