I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
