dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
