paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
