yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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