Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
