You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
