I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
