my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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