I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
