Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
