my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
