Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
