Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
