come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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