I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
