His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
