i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
