I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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