You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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