guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
