I'm so fucking centered right now
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
love makes seman taste better
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
