i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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