Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
