well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
