Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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