I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
