Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
