Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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