After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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