either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
