i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
