Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
