You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
