I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Farmville is her only friend.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
