its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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