Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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