bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
