she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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