whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
