Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
