dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
