The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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