Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
