OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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