Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we made out on top of his cat.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
