Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
