Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
