You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
