i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
