I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My breasts were aching with rage.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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