I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
